you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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