why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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