This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
