Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
