I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
