His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
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There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
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Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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