I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
