I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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