i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
