Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
