Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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