We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
They took my balls.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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