Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
tonight lets celebrate not being married
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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