Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize