The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
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Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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