I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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