i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
