then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
