my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
this will be a night to untag.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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