i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm too high and old for this...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
last night I used snow as a chaser
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