I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
