I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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