I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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