Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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