If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
