Im at strip club and am horny
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
