maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
