The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
