I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
