i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
