my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
