the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
