How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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