so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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