Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
