The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
