I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
