in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
