I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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