i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
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Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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