JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
