Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
