Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I looked at my own cervix.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
