Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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