I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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