Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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