someone threw a dead crab at me
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
