I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She's the barista slut.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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