your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
