I'm lost and stupid without you.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
