I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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