Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I am midnight drunk by noon
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
