Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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