So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
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They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
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They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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