I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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