he wants to bone in the snuggie
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
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