I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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