This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
