I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
