I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
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And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
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Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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