i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
