It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
