I cockslap morals
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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